Want You Back
“I felt it was time to play. Most of my thoughts, time and energy had gone into creative effort. And this restriction of the love drive, the headshrinkers will tell you, is the greatest urge one really has.” – Mae West
I read these words and stopped. Then as my eyes glanced to those surrounding me, I saw heads, downward, inward, away from the reality around them, involved in worlds perhaps far from their own. Immersed in something giving them a quick ride, elsewhere. Connecting to emotions, love, people, material things, at a distance. Perhaps avoiding what was right before them. And to be frank, so was I. I couldn’t ignore it any longer. There was something missing. Play, pleasure, love … an intense burn to disconnect so I could truly connect again.
It’s easy to avoid the world right before us and connect to something distant. The ‘reality’ that is oft the fallacy of another’s life. Yet, we continue going there, hoping, wishing the same will come our way. We start cutting corners searching for satisfaction, focusing our minds on the quick fix, ignoring the fire within us. A need for love burns, yet we push it aside. And then we reach a point, and confront it. The contentment, the exhilaration and the pleasure that is love.
Have we lost touch with true love for ourselves and for others? Have we become so focused on small things – the unnecessary, people approving our lives, the way they see it from their end of the tracks – that we forget the only thing we really need is to feed our own heart and soul? Because without connecting to ourselves and having a true understanding of who we really are, we have no love to impart to others.
Finding pleasure, happiness and love within, and letting others see and feel that too, is about the here and now. It’s about deciding that where you are right in this moment is exactly where you are meant to be. Not wishing and yearning you were living someone else’s life, but knowing the pleasure that comes with being present. It means pausing, frequently; avoiding the rush through life, and being able to create balance, presence and connection between head and heart. Being aware of the moment in which you are present.
Nutritional biochemist Dr Libby Weaver, an internationally renowned presenter on this topic, speaks of our “rushing syndrome” and a resulting disconnection from our hearts. So many women, she says, “live their lives so out of touch with those beautiful hearts, out of touch with how extraordinary they are and in the cloud of false belief that they aren’t enough”. An antidote to this, she says, is to “bring awareness to why you do what you do and work out what led you there”.
Perhaps it is that simple. Making space for reflection and appreciation of one’s self so we honestly learn the true meaning of love. Allowing ourselves to disconnect from those things we once perceived as important (work, social media, material things) so we can reconnect to love.
In Care of the Soul, Thomas Moore writes of honouring our soul’s voice: “A little distance allows us to see the dynamics among the many elements that make up the life of the soul. By becoming interested in these phenomena we begin to see our own complexity … If we knew the soul better, we might be ready for the conflicts of life.”
So it seems we live in a paradox and contradiction that we can only embrace with open hearts. And that paradox is that in order to truly connect, we need to disconnect. We need to distance ourselves from the things that don’t feed our hearts and souls. We need to put away the distractions of life that over-stimulate our thoughts in unproductive ways, and focus just on the here and now. When we alleviate the complexity of small matters we leave space to focus on the simplicity of our own soulful needs. Only then can we discover our pleasure, our love, our drive and then be able to offer it to others. Presence and happiness within.